Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Guilt, Self-Pity and Drugs

I did not practice today. I felt really sick with a cold yesterday, but luckily it was a moon day so I got to rest. I assumed I was a super healer and would feel better today. I barely slept because I had a scratchy coughy throat and couldn't fall asleep. I kept reaching for the lifesavers, which I had brought to hand out to little kids in villages. Well, sorry kids, my throat was sore. I guess I eventually fell asleep though.

I woke up to my alarm at 6am and as I rolled over to turn it off all I felt was pain. Achy back, stiff neck, sore throat, broken sinuses... OY. I felt my neck and it was full of lumpy painful glands. Shit! I am not better!! No surprise really. Am I a little better? I tried to decipher. Doubtful. It seems like the runny nose had stopped, but then as soon as I sat up it started again. Another 100 tissue day ahead. Sigh. I wanted to practice. I decided to get up, take a hot shower to try to clear out my stuffy head, make some peppermint green tea and just see how it went.

I did all of that and felt a little better after moving around. I dressed in my yoga clothes and took the dog for a walk. After coming up the stairs back to the apartment I felt EXHAUSTED and  my ear holes hurt. Damn. I was still undecided and sent out a tweet asking for advice (haha). I wanted to practice because I am only here for a month and didn't want to waste one day. But I didn't want to practice because what if I physically couldn't? Or it felt really miserable? Or if I made other people at the shala sick? Or if I used all of my getting-better energy on an asana practice? Ok Ok, I listened to reason, over my heart, and stayed home. So frustrating! But for sure it was the right thing to do. I feel like Guruji though, back in the day, would have told me to practice. Well he's not here now, and no one from twitter wrote to me in time to convince me to go.

I went to chanting class at 11am and sat in the back corner. Lakshmish looked at me and laughed. He knew how I felt. My usual place is right up at the front. My voice sounded funny and nasal, so I didn't sing along to all of the chanting, just listened. I went up to the yoga sutras chanting class and also skulked away to the back corner. I chanted. I thought maybe the vibrations would be healing or at least create positive energy.

On my way home I went by the pharmacy and asked for something to decongest me in the day, and something to take away my dry scratchy cough at night so I could sleep. I was handed the mystery drugs, and practically had to just trust the pharmacist. It was 80 rupees. (About $1.50CAD). I think I remember asking for the same thing last year, and taking one of the day time pills and being high as a kite. I didn't care. I had a lunch date at Sandhya's (a local lady who opens her home to yoga students and creates home cooked healthy authentic Mysore meals) and I wanted to breathe, so I could taste her lovely home cooked food.

I downed a pill and lo and behold, 30 minutes later I was feeling great, buzzed, and clear nosed. Lunch was very nice! I came home afterwards and fell asleep. I woke up an hour or so later to a missing Raaji. The damn dog squeezed through the window bars and was playing with the neighbours! Haha... It was also too late to go to Sanskrit class at that point. Ugh. I hung out on the roof for an hour with some peeps with the dog while the sun started to descend and now I'm back in my room feeling guilty for missing a practice (still! why?!) and feeling sorry for myself and now my sniffles return. I guess I was so much of a wet rag today that the dog needed to escape to have some fun. Pretty sad!!

Meeting at the coconut stand before heading to Sandhya's for lunch (can you tell I'm on medication?!)

Some of the food from Sandhya's (there were other dishes, plus lots of chapatis!)

TOMORROW is a new day. I will take those new night time sleepy no cough cough pills and hope that I wake up a slightly recovered person. Enough to at least make it through a Mysore practice. I am 95% sure I will go no matter what anyways, unless somehow I wake up WORSE than today. Send me healing vibes please!!


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