Thursday, December 19, 2013

Mula Bandha... Down the Drain. *graphic*

It's Friday morning. I am home and showered after led primary. I can't believe I survived to blog about it. What a shit show today. Literally...

Last night I found the famous samosa man. He moved around the corner from where he was last year. Things are always changing here. There are no 'givens' and no consistency. Anyhow, I love his samosas and I didn't know where his new post was until yesterday evening when I was walking Raaji. So, of course, I had two. They are piping hot and extremely spicy. It's like a fire in your hands and mouth but you just can't slow down or wait because it's so fresh and good. He makes them on the spots and fries them up in front of you. Raaji enjoyed bits of the crust while I inhaled the rest! 

Well I don't know if there was some funky bad water that crept into the making of them, or if it was the spices, or the copious amounts of unhealthy oil, but when I woke up at 445am and headed into the bathroom for my morning teeth brush, hot shower and doodoo before practice... Well, doodoo was more like squirtsquirt. If you didn't know me well before, well now you do. It wasn't an emergency or anything, but my body was definitely not impressed with what had gone in it, and it wanted to get it out rather quickly so it seemed. There were a few episodes. I made sure it was over and that I would be able to practice. It seemed so. Seemed. I drank some water and ate a mini banana for some energy.

I am also still battling this chesty cough. I geared up and walked to the shala. I was about middle of the pack to arrive, I'd say. We waited for 10 minutes or so and as soon as we heard the closing chant from the 430am group we stood up and jammed our bodies as close together and as close to the door as imaginable. Shuffle shuffle shuffle. 

I barely got a spot. I sort of had to shimmy someone's mat a little to the side to fit my mat into 2/3 of a spot. The peeps on either side were probably pissed off because they almost got a nice roomy spot. Sorry. I'm small?!

I felt good, more or less, and was ready to have a medium intensity practice. Likely it would be better than yesterday, post cold, but probably next week I will be much more energized and back to normal. I was ready to give er and see how it goes. 

Ekam inhale... as we started to breathe and move together as group, I realized that my throat was worse that I thought. If I breathed with too much intensity or sound, I would surely break out in a mad coughing fit. I felt that tickle. You know the one? You try to suppress it but it's not going away. I clear my throat. Again. And again. And again a little louder and longer. Oh lord. The girl beside me was coughing too. She left her mat during surya B to go to the bathroom and have a major cough. That made me feel better. There was definite coughing and throat clearing coming from all over the room, and some nose blowing too. Damn, we are a mess here in Mysore. I managed not to have a coughing attack by keeping my breathing light. 

Then, I started to feel and hear gurgles and rumbles and funny little noises and sensations coming from my gut. It's ok, slightly uncomfortable but I can get through it. Then I start to wonder. Ardha baddha padmottanasana - standing half lotus. My heel pressed deeply into my abdomen as I folded forward and this created some sort of sacred internal poo release mechanism. Uh oh. I finished both sides of the posture and calmly walked off my mat and out of the room. Luckily I was near the back and near the changeroom so it wasn't too disruptive. 

Again like earlier in the morning, it wasn't an immediate emergency but I knew what was lurking. I went to my mat bag which was on the shelf, zipped open the little pouch and grabbed a few tissues that thank god were stashed there in case of runny nose. Little did I know what I would really need them for. I walked to the bathroom. 

There were four or five people practicing in the changeroom. I hoped they couldn't hear the goodtimes going on in my stall. Oh yes, it was full on diarrhea. It started calmly but then became amazingly explosive. Mula bandha surrendered and everything that was not a part of me, came out of me. Montezuma's revenge! At that moment, I wondered why I bothered taking Dukoral. That gross stuff that promises to eliminate traveler's diarrhea. However, I didn't feel sick or in any pain, so maybe it made the symptoms less awful? Who knows. About 4 or 5 flushes later I was at least 5 pounds lighter. I made sure the volcano was done erupting. It was. 

I considered staying in the changeroom and just sitting and waiting until the end of the practice. But I actually felt ok. I took the walk of shame back to my mat and joined into to ardha baddha padma paschimattanasana (ironically the same pose as when I left, just sitting down). I took the first few jump backs really carefully. Then started to feel ok. I saw Sharath watching me, probably wondering WTF took so long. Or maybe he understood. I seemed to pick up steam and get back into the practice as I went a long. A little weak, yes for sure, but not bad considering what just happened!

I saw a guy leave his mat and disappear into the changeroom for a few minutes, likely for the same reason. The worst part is, I could hear the bathroom door and the flush. Damn, that means everyone heard my flush after flush after flush. *blush*

Shit happens. This must be where that saying originated. 

Backbending. Sharath is nearby and I hear him saying 'walk inside' (move your hands closer to your feet). Who the hell knows who he is talking to. I'm sure it's not me. He knows what kind of morning I'm having. He says it a few more times. Second back bend. He steps on my foot and says "walk inside". Oh man! I walk a little. It's all I got. He says it again. Sorry homey, I'm all outta walking. He gets off my foot. 


He is counting slowly. His young son (I forget his age, 8??) comes into the room and we can hear him talking to his dad. Most likely just trying to get attention and giggles from the yoga students. He seems to like that. Sharath says "fiiiiiivvvvve..." then his son (I forget his name too!) says "6-7-8" really quickly. We all laugh. A few people fall out of their headstand. There is a big pause. After I have taken a few more breaths, Sharath says "siiiiiiixxxxx...". People moan. Hahaha! I felt like my head and arms were set up ok so I didn't mind. I was stable. Sometimes if I am set up and things feel a little off, then too long of a headstand feels like an excruciating eternity, and you don't want to come down to adjust a little because you will get yelled at! But, today I was just fine. I stayed. I smiled at the girl behind me who tumbles out of her headstand. She smiled back. It was just that kind of day. 

By ut plutih I was totally out of steam. Pooped. Shaky. Dehydrated. Delirious. I came down a few times. Whatevs. He gave us a final chant and rest. Literally 2 breaths rest. Then "Go home". We laughed. And went home. 

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